November 25th

I got four wonderful new perfumes in the mail today and I’m super excited!

This morning was rough. My doctor also can’t seem to remember my medical history each time she messages me. Like...look back through our previous messages maybe? Today she asked if I was familiar with benzos. Why yes, last week I was telling you about how I was on them for four years. Now if this was something where I saw her in person last week and she had tons of patients and couldn’t remember, I guess that would be more excusable (though I still would have expected her to check her notes), but this is literally a message thread on a computer. She has documents I have sent her explaining my medical history. It would not be hard to peruse those before suggesting something to me. Anyway, I re-explained that I had been on benzos for four years and asked if there were alternatives available and haven’t heard back. I really like this doc in person but I also feel like if she had never prescribed me Buspar this akathisia wouldn’t have come back on my trip. And then the Viibryd and tapering off the Lexapro didn’t work either because last week I had serious SSRI discontinuation symptoms, the worst I’ve ever had. I’m just at a loss. Everything was fine before my vacation. I wasn’t doing perfect but I was managing. Now I’m a mess and I can’t get sorted out. It’s effecting my work, my social life, and even just my personal time. I can’t eat in public without my anxiety and other symptoms going absolutely crazy. I don’t like having to repeatedly grab the table to steady myself because I feel like there’s a tremor in my brain or like I forgot how to swallow. It’s all very scary and weird and also embarrassing and I just want to be back to normal.