Sunday, December 31, 2017

December 31st

It's that time of the year again! The end part!

In rereading my entries from 2017, I noticed some things. Some were good, and some were bad. 2017 certainly had its fair share of burdens for me. I went through a difficult breakup. My dad was diagnosed with cancer. My dog passed away. My mental health struggles were, well...they were around.

But two things stood out to me. I have been noticing for awhile now that my blog entries just seem pretty boring and repetitive, especially in the past year. I thought that was because of mental health issues, lack of motivation, being tired a lot...and that's certainly part of it. But what I didn't realize until just recently is that the reason a lot of my entries are so nondescript is because of my job. In the past, I would happily share tales from work. I talk about customers, products, busy days, slow a decent amount of detail. Nothing incriminating of course, but I often had something to say. Here's the thing, though - my current job makes it very hard for me to come home and discuss my work day. I don't talk about where I work. I don't even talk about what I do at work, other than the fact that it's retail. It's because of the nature of the company I work for, and for my own safety as well. I have to be very careful about what I say, so I end up really not saying anything at all. And this is detrimental to documenting my day-to-day life. I have countless entries from 2017 that read like, "Work was good/bad/long/easy and now I'm tired." I'm able to go into a little more detail about my second job, which is dog walking (I got emotional when I realized I'd blogged about my very first walk with Ace), because there are really no stakes. I can talk endlessly about the dogs if I want. I'm obviously not going to say a client's address, but other than that, it's fair game. But I don't walk dogs as often as I work at my other job. And I have so, so much to say about my other job.

Let me tell you about my job. As stressful as it can be, it's a company that I genuinely love. Not only that, but I have the best coworkers I've ever had. At Gilly Hicks I had great coworkers too, but my current coworkers...we call each other family. We actually care about each other. If someone needs a shift covered, people actually want to help out. We celebrate birthdays. A lot of us are friends. It's really special.

I think that, with caution, I want to blog more about work in 2018. It will have to be somewhat vague at times, and I know that, but it's such a big part of my life. Not blogging about it seems a bit silly. I know everything on the internet is forever and you can never be too cautious, but really, I do want to actually blog about my daily life, not just what I do in my downtime.

So, I said last year that 2016 had been a bit of a dumpster fire in terms of world events. 2017 was also pretty rough. And like I said earlier, I had my own struggles to contend with. But I want to talk about some of the positives from this year, and I also want to set out some goals and resolutions for 2018!

Some cool shit that happened in 2017:

  • I went to my second MAGFest
  • I got a second job where I get to walk dogs, and I really like it
  • I celebrated my one-year anniversary at my primary job
  • I got accepted into a university
  • I am six years self-harm free
  • My dad no longer has cancer
  • I went to two amazing concerts
  • I spent quality time with my mom, dad, sister, and great-aunt
  • I finally got my teeth fixed
  • I went on exciting adventures in a city I'm still getting to know
Now let's talk about 2018. I've got plans, goals and resolutions.
  1. I will find a new psychiatrist, therapist and primary care phyisican
  2. I will finally get off of Klonopin
  3. I will try new medications in order to help my depression and anxiety
  4. I will get outside more, especially to exercise
  5. I will start university again
  6. I will do more dog walks
  7. I will move into a new apartment
  8. I will be more financially conscious, especially when it comes to non-necessity purchases
  9. I will learn to prepare meals in my home that aren't just something I put in the microwave
  10. I will keep my apartment more clean
  11. I will go to DisneyWorld
  12. I will take at least one trip back home to Minnesota
  13. I will make new, local friends
  14. I will read more books
  15. I will go on dates
  16. I will improve my blog entries by making them longer and/or more descriptive
  17. I will actually start volunteering at the wildlife center
  18. I will spend more time doing things I love with people I love
Yes, I came up with eighteen because I'm into clich├ęs like that. But I think it's good to come up with quite a few plans and goals, even if you have to think hard about it. I'm sure there are plenty more thing I want to do. (I mean, I know there are. I want to go to the zoo! But like...that's something I know I'm gonna do anyway.) 

I will try my best not to be too hard on myself if there are days when these goals seem daunting. But I will also try to push past those feelings so that 2018 can be a fulfilling year for me. I want 2018 to be an important year, and I want to do big things. So I'm going to do my best to make that happen. Let's do this!

Saturday, December 30, 2017

December 30th

Well, after doing literally nothing that my urgent care doctor from yesterday recommended, my arm actually feels better today. This is possibly because I simply didn't do much today, but still. Fuck steroids and muscle relaxants. I'm not taking that stuff. I write an even longer, more rant-y version of my post from yesterday in Discord because I needed to vent, but it seems redundant to post that here. The shorter version from yesterday should be just fine.

So, tomorrow concludes another year of blogging. Yes, I will still be daily blogging in 2018! I've been tossing around the idea of when I might stop blogging, because like...I can't blog every single day forever. I was thinking of doing it until 2020, which is ten (!!!) years total, and then possibly doing non-daily blogging after that. But that's still awhile away! Tomorrow I'll do some end-of-year reflection as per usual (I swear I just did that), and I also want to post some of my goals and resolutions for 2018. Hooray!

Friday, December 29, 2017

December 29th

Apparently it's impossible to see a primary care physician in is city. Honestly, how can no doctors be accepting new patients? I literally had to go back to urgent care today because I spent ages this morning calling around trying to find a doctor, any doctor who could see me. The best response was "He has openings in April, would that work?" Um, no, I cannot wait four months to be seen. And then of course one of the biggest care provider networks just isn't scheduling people right now. Their scheduling department is straight up closed until Tuesday. I need to see a primary care physician. I'm going to have new insurance in 2018 so I need a new PCP. On top of that, I can only get into a neurologist with a referral from a PCP. And my left arm, with its messed up nerves (which apparently might actually be a different nerve than I was told at my first urgent care appointment but WHO KNOWS because apparently I can't see a fucking neurologist until hell freezes over) need attention. I'm so fucking frustrated. This whole healthcare system is messed up.

Thursday, December 28, 2017

December 28th

Ahh, sleeping in is nice. Work with a painful wrist is less nice, but I have a long weekend! Hooray! I'm gonna watch some YouTube and try to stay warm because it sure is chilly here.

Wednesday, December 27, 2017

December 27th

Ahh, a long work day. And it’s cold out too, really cold! I’m just happy to be done with Christmas music for now.

Tuesday, December 26, 2017

December 26th

So, acupuncture was actually pretty cool. My left wrist genuinely feels better. I'm impressed. Plus my acupuncturist was so friendly, super nice, just like...the coolest person. So that was good! I'm actually typing this without my brace on! (I'll probably sleep in it though, just in case.) I'm going back next week too. Maybe I'll get my chakras all sorted out or something.

Monday, December 25, 2017

December 25th

Merry Christmas everyone! I hope you all had a wonderful day, maybe got some snow, saw your friends and/or family, ate good food...whatever it is that makes your Christmas special. I watched Slap the Dickens and The Snowman, talked to my family on the phone, ate leftover pizza and hung out with Brad. (I also napped, but let's face it, I do that like...every day.) It was a good Christmas.

Sunday, December 24, 2017

December 24th

I have a cat on me who is preventing me from getting to my laptop. He’s sprawled across my stomach and chest, and he just started taking a bath. I smell kitty breath.

Of course as I write that, he decides to get up. Now he’s making biscuits on my stomach.

Merry Christmas Eve, everyone. :)

Saturday, December 23, 2017

December 23rd

Typing with a wrist brace on sure is awkward. I can't say I'm particularly enjoying this thing, although it did get rid of the numbness and tingling in my fingers. Funnily enough, my wrist is now the part with the most pain; my arm and shoulder aren't as bad. It's just annoying. I've got acupuncture on Tuesday though, and then hopefully on Tuesday I'll also be able to schedule my EMG test. Then I can get a proper doctor's note for work, find out a little more about what's going on with my nerve, all that jazz. I could use some pain management suggestions. Popping Advil every few hours isn't really a long-term/sustainable option. (So hopefully the acupuncture helps!)

Tomorrow is an early morning again! Though I'm much happier to be working the morning of Christmas Eve than the eve...although now that I think about it, I actually think the evening would be less busy. That's almost never the case, but this seems like about the one day where it would be. Oh well. I might just be greeting people the whole day anyway since my urgent care doctor's note says I gotta refrain from using my wrist and arm. I don't mind greeting people!

Friday, December 22, 2017

December 22nd

"Hey Kate, weren't you supposed to have a really long work day?" Well friend, I sure was until after three hours at work the pain in my left arm was so bad that I couldn't do anything with it. I've had what felt like mild nerve pain in that arm for two-ish weeks, but the past two days it was impeding my ability to sleep. Today at work, I could barely lift anything. So I took myself to urgent care, and lo and behold I have injured my median nerve. (It's the same one that's affected when you have carpal tunnel syndrome.) So my arm, from shoulder to elbow to hand, hurts. My thumb hurts. I have it in a brace right now so as to move my wrist as little as possible (especially when sleeping - did you know you can get carpal tunnel from sleeping with your wrists in a certain way?) and I'm just kinda annoyed by it all. I am very grateful that it's my non-dominant hand though. Tomorrow (if anyone's open) I need to call around to schedule an EMG with a neurologist, which will help determine the state of the nerve, and also see if I have to make any special work arrangements. (I'm already not allowed to use the arm at work for the next few days. I'm also hoping to see an acupuncturist, funnily enough. I'll keep you guys updated!

Thursday, December 21, 2017

December 21st

Thank goodness for a day off. I needed some sleep. Sure, I have to leave my house before 6:30 AM tomorrow in order to get to work at a reasonable time but least today I could sleep in. Watch someone else play DDLC on YouTube. (That game is so wild.) But I do have to sleep...due to the whole eight hour work day tomorrow and whatnot. Oh, the holiday season!

Wednesday, December 20, 2017

December 20th

So I played Doki Doki Literature Club today. I think that'd about all you need to know, really. Wowzers.

Tuesday, December 19, 2017

December 19th

Hi friends! Work was short and not too bad and it's not even that cold here. But I have to get up early tomorrow, of course. But hopefully tomorrow is an easy day! I'm gonna cuddle some Pua plush now.

Monday, December 18, 2017

December 18th

Hello all! I actually had a really productive day today. Laundry, cleaning, paying bills...all this after going to work at 6:45 AM! I also got my gifts from my Reddit Secret Santa, which was so cool! It was my first year doing it, and now I want to do secret exchanges all the time. Apparently there was a Disney one earlier this year, so I hope there's another one next year! Get me Mulan and/or Moana things and my heart is yours!

Sunday, December 17, 2017

December 17th

Yet again I find myself blogging way too late. Totally my fault this time. I almost forgot. I need to pay attention! And get up at 5:30 AM!

Saturday, December 16, 2017

December 16th

I’m pretty sure it’ll be midnight before I get home, so have a holly jolly hello from the shopping mall parking lot!

Friday, December 15, 2017

December 15th

Guess who thought she blogged last night and then suddenly it was 11:58 and there had to be a hella quick blog? Yeaaah. Yesterday was really good though! I did two dog walks, I spent some time at Target, and returned some deodorant that was so strongly scented that it was giving me a headache. It was a good day overall! And today was good too! Work wasn't bad, I got some mail, and now I'm gonna have some good sleep!

Wednesday, December 13, 2017

December 13th

Work was good, but the rest of today was kinda meh. Sorry for a short entry. I love you guys.

Tuesday, December 12, 2017

December 12th

So I'm pretty sure this is the first time in like four days I've blogged on my computer and not from my phone. I have been so utterly exhausted and sleepy around this time lately. Today was a really cold day so I didn't exactly do as much as I wanted. Way too chilly and snowy. And despite being from Minnesota, I don't particularly love the cold. When it drops below thirty degrees, I'm less than thrilled. I tried to take a nice nap today but I think I must have slept in a weird way to accommodate wherever Cas was in the bed, because my legs are super sore. Either that or work is just catching up with my legs. Tomorrow's shift is a long one, so hopefully it's fairly laid back.

I do have some perfume reviews I want to do soon, all from the brand Ellis Brooklyn. I ordered their discovery set back in November and I've tried a few of the scents so far. Still two more to test.So far I'm not blown away, but some of the scents have been unique at least.

Time for dessert, I think.

Monday, December 11, 2017

December 11th

Dear rude people: please do all your shopping online, thanks. Tonight is a sleepy night so long post tomorrow! Look forward to it!

Sunday, December 10, 2017

December 10th

I keep blogging when I’m super tired. I’m sorry. I’m kind of tired most of the time lately. But today I made a bird friend! I’ve also got some perfume reviews coming up. And I really need to watch the ISU Grand Prix.

Saturday, December 9, 2017

December 9th

Sleepy time tonight. Perfume reviews tomorrow, I hope! And frozen blueberries.

Friday, December 8, 2017

December 8th

Ya girl right right here is exhausted and in pain from work, so it’s bedtime here. I need dinner at some point but this bed is so nice. I can just cuddle up. No standing. Good times.

Thursday, December 7, 2017

December 7th

Okay, so not feeling the greatest tonight. Dinner didn't sit totally right. My sleep schedule is still messed up. Mental health is just kinda blah in general. And the next two days of work are gonna be tough. December can be a bit of a doozy. Hell, let's be honest here, 2017 wasn't exactly a great year for the world in general. (I realize lots of amazing things happened but also, like...a lot of bad stuff.) Friends, stay safe and I love you all. We can finish out this year strong.

Wednesday, December 6, 2017

December 6th

Work was surprisingly manageable today. However, I had oatmeal twice and I’m pretty sure my body was less than keen on that. I need groceries! But that’s what tomorrow is for. Doing chores. Hooray!

Tuesday, December 5, 2017

December 5th

So, I don't tend to delete the spam comments on this blog because I hardly get any, and they're usually quite funny. I got one today about a roofing company, conveniently located in nearby Saudi Arabia. So if any of you guys are looking for the best roofing company in Dammam, uhh...check the link in yesterday's post comments? (Don't do that.)

Today was a sleepy day and a stressful day but I'm hoping the fact that I have to get up before the sun tomorrow will somehow help fix my weird sleep schedule. My sleep schedule is always bad in the winter because of how little daylight there is, but I feel like it's been extra weird this week. I'm just tired! Might as well wake up at 4:30 AM tomorrow right? Gotta be at work by 6:00, so...that'll be fun. Very good.

Monday, December 4, 2017

December 4th

Ahh, my back hurts. Luckily tomorrow shouldn't be too stressful. Just gotta do laundry and get groceries. And then work gets crazy. Thankfully I have some shorter shifts mixed in with my crazy long ones, but I don't have a "short" shift until next week. ...When am I going to get my work pants hemmed? And when am I going to take my car in to get looked at/get my oil changed/tires rotated/probably more stuff? I'm feeling a little tired and burnt out lately. Kinda overwhelmed. And tis the season for a healthy dose of Seasonal Affective Disorder mixed in with all the holiday joy. It gets better.

Sunday, December 3, 2017

December 3rd

I had a monstrously unhealthy dinner tonight (but I had some blueberries to counteract it), so I'm kind of thinking I want to just go to sleep. I hadn't had mini corn dogs in ages and I'm not sure my body is totally cool with how super-processed/fatty/etc they are. And then I had a Pop Tart for dessert because I'm an asshole.

Gotta get some good sleep for my long work day tomorrow. This week isn't quite as crazy as next week but it's still gonna be pretty intense. This holiday season is way busier for me than last year.

Saturday, December 2, 2017

December 2nd

All right friends, guess who saw Coco? This girl! Honestly, the bottom line is that if you like Disney/Pixar films, you'll probably like this. Great character design, beautiful colors, wonderful's got all the goods. Is it the best Pixar film I've ever seen? No, but it was a.) very hyped up for me and b.) I knew a lot about it going in. I think my main complaint is that while a lot of the characters are well-rounded, developed and interesting...none of them made me go, "Wow, that character is super unique/one of my new favorites/etc." Miguel is a great protagonist who follows are pretty good story but there's no real trait about him that makes me go, "Wow, cool main character!" His thing is that he wants to play music but he's not allowed to. But his personality is just sort of generic child-protagonist. I guess Imelda is my favorite character, but again...she's not incredible. I just like her because she's kinda sassy. I can see a lot of people enjoying Hector, but again...his story is quite trope-y and his personality has no stand-out traits. So...good film. I'd recommend it to a Disney/Pixar fan for sure. But I think the best parts of the film are the artistic elements, not so much the plot. I must say though, the casting was impeccable. Oh, and Dante is a lovable doofy dog, and that makes me happy.

Friday, December 1, 2017

December 1st

It's December, there was frost on my car this morning, it may actually be winter soon. Who knows?

I'm gonna go to a cat show this weekend. And I'm gonna see Coco. I am very excited. I'll update you guys on how they are!