Monday, May 6, 2013

May 6th

I hate spoilers. I really, really fucking hate them.
I want to be surprised. I don't want to watch a show knowing that a character I like is going to die, because it doesn't allow me to get attached to them correctly, and it makes me view them differently. I don't want to know about who is going to hook up or break up or live or die. I don't want to know anything.

So, for all of you out there who for whatever reason cannot figure out how not to spoil people, here's a quick guide.

  1. Don't speak in past tense. When you say "Bob was my favorite character," it implies that either Bob changes dramatically as a person or that he leaves/dies.
  2. In fact, don't even talk about the characters that are around for you in the show right now. If you want to voice an opinion about a character, voice it based on how you felt about that character at the point of the book/show where the OTHER person is. Is the person in the middle of season two and liking Bob? Tell them how you felt about Bob in season two.
  3. For the love of all that is good, NEVER start a sentence with, "Have you gotten to the part where..." because oh my fucking god, if I haven't gotten to the part where that happens, then you've spoiled it. Instead, try asking like this: "So what's going on with Bob in the show right now?" Then you get your information without giving out plot details.
  4. If someone says that something has just happened for the first time, then don't fucking tell them about the other times it happens, because they DON'T KNOW that it's going to happen again.
  5. Ask "Who are the main characters in the show/book right now?" if you don't know if you can bring up the introduction to a new character. If you ask, "Have you met Joe yet?" then the person will be anticipating meeting Joe instead of being surprised by his arrival.
Sorry for the rant-y post today, but my sister spoiled more things from Grey's Anatomy for me and I am absolutely livid.

Caroline: What's happening in the show right now?
Kate: [Blank] and [blank] just had sex for the first time!
Caroline: Is that the time where [blank] is crying or the time where...
Kate: ...Awesome, thanks for that, now I know that they're going to have sex again even though I thought they weren't. Now I don't get to be surprised when that happens. Thanks.
Caroline: Oh, I don't even remember how many times they have sex!
Kate: AWESOME thank you for telling me EVEN MORE about their relationship after I told you that you spoiled it for me.


Kate: [Blank] and [blank] are dating right now.
Caroline: Oh, I miss that relationship!
Kate: ...So they break up. Great.
Caroline: You should have known!
Kate: HOW would I have known that? You're in season eight and I'm in season two. I don't know what's going to happen.

The reason I waited for so long to even start watching Grey's Anatomy is because when I asked Caroline to tell me about it, she told me everything about it. Not a plot synopsis, but character names and details and huge plot points. So I didn't even think I should bother, since she'd told me the whole damn thing already. But I decided to watch it anyway after having seen part of an episode and liking it a lot, and I am so, so bitter about knowing the things she told me. Why would you ever do something like that? Why would you want to ruin the surprise for someone else?

I. fucking. hate. spoilers.

1 comment:

  1. I don't understand people. They just don't get it!