Sunday, April 17, 2011

April 17th - Failure

I messed up, you guys. My post from yesterday is late. I had it written and for whatever reason I never hit "publish" - I came back to my computer just now (1:16 AM, April 17th) and it was there, unpublished. Written, but not posted. I think this means I have failed, and I literally feel sick. 461 days of consecutive blogging, and it ends like this. What sort of a bullshit accomplishment is that? I didn't stop on my own terms, I failed. Because of my own idiocy. Right now I feel like I should just give up blogging every day because it doesn't even matter now. I'd start back at 1. This is it, this right here is my first post of another run of consecutive posts. I can't even imagine starting over. Making it to one year was one of the greatest things I've accomplished. Now I can't have the satisfaction of two years because it has been restarted and this is entry one. I don't know if I can do it again. The fact that I blogged every day was an integral part of my identity. And now that's gone because I made a stupid mistake. I want to puke and cry and I wish this hadn't happened. I feel so lost knowing that I failed myself. I don't know what to do.

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