January 31st

Where did January go? I lost like two weeks to being sick/injured, but I still don't know where the month went. Yesterday was fun though! Hockey is good stuff, y'all. It's weird being surrounded by pretty much exclusively fans of the home team and being in the opposing team's jersey, but no one was mean to me. I just didn't stand up and cheer when everyone else did, and when I did cheer it was like...just me. There were other Wild fans there, just not near me or in my section.

I slept like all day today. I didn't sleep well last night, so today...was a very sleepy day. I still need to eat dinner. That's okay.

January 30th

Ooooh the hockey game tonight was so good! It went to a shootout and we got it. It was so tense! Our seats were great too. Go Wild! (Also, fuck obnoxious drunk people. Geez.)

January 29th

My sleep schedule is such a wreck. Thanks, Klonopin! I’m super hungry...and sleepy...what a day.

January 28th

I’m catching up on sleep today, I think. I napped after work...and then napped some more. I’m hungry, but I think I just want to sleep for right now. I’m boring, I know! I had a dream about shopping for oatmeal...that’s pretty lame.

January 27th

Work felt long today. Then the computers started malfunctioning. Luckily that was as I was leaving. I've been feeling just a bit off from my Klonopin taper, but I'm doing okay. And Cas is giving very good cuddles right now. So it's all good.

January 26th

Happy Friday! I had a crazy runny nose and a pounding headache all day, so I can't say I got as much done as I meant to. That's okay though. Tomorrow and Sunday I have work, and then next week is going to be pretty low-key again. I'm going to a Wild game with Brad on Tuesday though, and I'm super excited!

January 25th

’Twas a slow day today. Cas wouldn’t let me sleep. And I have a headache. I got dinner with Brad though, which was nice.

Tonight we halve the Klonopin. Wish me luck.

January 24th

Well, I think my job interview went fairly well. It was a bit intimidating, and I know I could have done better, but what's done is done and now I wait. It would be a really great job to have though. So I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

Also, I completely fell asleep after getting home. Like...I had woken up around 5:00 AM and couldn't fall back asleep, so I'd been up awhile, but I guess I was tired because this wasn't just a nap, this was full-on sleep. (Which means I'm sure I'll have trouble sleeping tonight, joy.) I was having crazy dreams and everything. But I think my humidifier is helping. My cough doesn't seem as bad. I am absolutely starving though.

January 23rd

Well, today was less than perfect, but it was okay in the end. My cough got really awful this morning, to the point where I dug out my humidifier to try and sort things out. I feel like it's not working at full capacity though. Maybe I need to clean the filter? I had enough trouble figuring out how much of that Vick's camphor liquid to put in. I want some serious steam to start coming out of this thing though. It seems really weak.

So yeah, with this terrible, dry cough, work wasn't ideal. It was slow, thank goodness, so I didn't have to do a lot of talking...but that also meant the shift went by pretty slowly. Thank goodness for good coworkers.

Tomorrow morning I have a job interview, so send good vibes that I'm feeling well and energized, and that it goes well!

January 22nd

Sometimes your cough turns into a good old fashioned cold. I'm going through tissues like crazy and I'm super sniffly. It's okay though. I have a pretty calm week, so I can relax. Today was all about resting and getting some free pizza. Tomorrow is work, but not til the evening, and Wednesday is a job interview in the morning. Overall, not too shabby!

January 21st

Well, it was supposed to be super rainy today but it was only a little rainy. I slept through most of it, and even had a horrifying nightmare. Good times, right? But Brad and I hung out afterwards. We got Perkins and played some old Gameboy games. Turns out I'm still pretty good at Pokémon Pinball.

I have tomorrow off and it's supposed to be really rainy again. I'm really just hoping to get to the post office and get some laundry done.

Also, there was this absurdly rotund and grumpy-looking cat plush at Meijer and it was on clearance so I bought it. YOLO.

January 20th

Sorry babes, short entry tonight. Very tired, but recovering. Trying not to lose my voice. Love you guys.

January 19th

So today was a sleepy day, as expected. Just trying to shake this cold, or cough, or whatever. It feels better today, but I always have more coughs at night. Wish me good sleep tonight friends, I have to be up early!

January 18th

Oh hey, guess who’s sick? It’s ya girl Kate. Luckily it doesn’t seem like whatever Brad has. I just have a nasty cough and accompanying sore throat. I’m going to try and rest as much as I can tonight and tomorrow since Saturday is a busy day for me. Gotta be up early for work and all that.

January 17th

Do you ever just get frustrated with people? And then also have trouble confronting them? And spend your whole day ruminating on the things that are bothering you? ...Same here. I'm usually okay at being confrontational, but when the person you want to confront is having a tough time, it's harder because you don't want to upset them, you know? And also, it's not like...a big deal but it's still bothersome...I don't know. Sometimes I think too much. And I just want to tell everyone what's on my mind. But I also think I shouldn't have to push people to solve their problems. These are my thoughts from today.

January 16th

So, my visit to my mom's house has been postponed til Thursday. And I have the driest eyes ever. I'm even wearing my glasses. I never wear my glasses. Tomorrow should be a fairly chill day, I'm just taking my car in to have it serviced and such. Today was literally just napping and not going outside because the weather here is awful. Both times I've visited Brad in the past week, my car has gotten stuck in the snow in his parking lot.

I may have eaten too much pizza and cinnamon pull-aparts.

January 15th

Do you ever leave extra early for work and still end up being 20+ minutes late? Yeah, the weather here is ridiculous. And there were apparently some pretty bad accidents. Thank goodness Brad called me and told me to get my ass out of bed and to get going or I would have been extremely late. He's such a good guy. Work was super slow though, of course, because the roads were a snowy mess. I just visited Brad after work to check on him since he's still under the weather, and now I'm gonna watch a documentary and do some cleaning. I'm also going to visit my mom tomorrow, yay!

January 14th

It's too cold here. It's snowy. Even going to get milk was a chore, and that's like a three minute drive. Have I done much else this weekend? No, not really. Just took care of Brad while he's been sick mostly. I've eaten lots of warm food, and cuddled under my blankets. Weekends in the winter, I tell ya.

January 13th

Well, it's cold here. And it snowed like crazy last night. Everything closed up early, it was a snow emergency, all that jazz. Luckily I was home. I did go out today though. I found out Walgreens doesn't accept my new insurance (I'm having a great time with this new insurance, aren't I?) so I got everything transferred over to CVS. Hopefully they're good. Thank goodness I live right by two pharmacies. I also picked up some stuff for Brad, who's super under the weather. I wore a face mask when I visited him so I'm hoping that keeps me well - though I do have a slight cough already, which may be from my coworker, or Brad, or just like...anything really. Cas is being a total cuddle bug right now though, so I'm gonna give him some love.

January 12th

Concept: me eating one of those pancake-wrapped sausages on a stick. With maple syrup. I had a dream that I had one of those...and now I really want one. I might have Toaster Strudel instead. I think I want breakfast food. Waffles sound good too...

January 11th

2018 has been a wild ride so far and we're only 11 days in. Sometimes I feel like I need a second blog, like a private one for just me. I realize that's what journals are for but my hand gets tired from writing, yo. But seriously, there's stuff I want to talk about that just isn't appropriate for the blog but I still want to remember it and document it. What's a girl to do?

P.S. Ya girl got approved to start tapering off of her Klonopin! I'm gonna be free!

January 10th

Oh man, work was tough today. It was shipment, there was a lot of it, and it made me sore. Then I got groceries and mail and napped. Now I’m at Brad’s house! I got in a weird mood though. I’m all sensitive to the littlest things. Although I feel like I’m actually justified in this one. It’s not appropriate for online sharing though.

January 9th

Thank you guys for sticking with me through such a hard week in my life. I'm feeling so, so much better today. Sure, I fucked up my sleep schedule, but it's because I was up late talking to a friend. I feel awful for messing up their sleep schedule as well.) I'm just so unbelievably grateful for a certain few people in my life. I do wish I had a bigger friend group, and I wish my current "friend group" was more people who actually cared about me instead of just socialized when they felt like it, but thats something that can change. Yes, it does suck that when I told social media that I was in a really bad place, I was met with a pretty deafening silence. But it also helps to give me perspective on things. And also to say "fuck it" when people don't show up. Those people have shown me how they feel about me, and it's good to know that. I'm learning and I'm growing and I know everything is going to be okay. Thanks guys.

January 8th

a cry for help is a funny thing
they use a triage system in the hospitals, but it turns out,
so do we.

if someone called out, please help me, I'm dying
you'd help
if someone said, I want to kill myself, I'm hurting
you'd help
but if someone said, I'm sad...
then what?

when someone lays in bed
all day and all night
when someone thinks, no one loves me or even cares
when they think they want to bleed or even die
even though they'd never do it,
the intrusive thoughts just won't stop...
why are they a burden?

"you just want attention"
(of course I do, I'm all alone)
"you won't actually kill yourself"
(of course not, but it still hurts)
"you're just sad, it'll pass"
(what is "just sad" anyway?)

I don't want to bother you.
I don't even know if you care.
But this is my cry for help,
So please let someone be there.

January 7th

Hmm. My sleep plan didn't work. I was still up all night last night. Part of that because my stomach wasn't feeling great, but still. At least today I managed to not take an evening nap, so I think - fingers crossed - that I'll be able to go to sleep at a reasonable time tonight. I do have work tomorrow after all, and even though it's not until 1:00 PM, I want to get some good sleep beforehand. Preferably with nice dreams too, please and thank you.

I finished up watching Reese's Phoenix Wright: Justice for All LP, which means I've only got one more LP to catch up on, and it's ongoing so I'm not too far behind. Right now I'm listening to my neighbors being noisy and praying it isn't some sort of domestic thing (I've heard arguments before, and I hate that) - I'm in no mood to think about that sort of thing, and of course I don't want anyone to be in some argument with their significant other.

Time to sleep now, friends. I love you guys.

January 6th

Hmm, I can't really tell if today was better or not, to be completely honest. I'm still not feeling great, so I actually ended up cancelling my haircut that I had scheduled tomorrow. I was worried I'd be feeling off tomorrow too, and cancelling something like that on the day of is really uncool, assuming it can be avoided. Though, I'm feeling more tired tonight than previous nights which means I may actually get on a slightly more normal sleep schedule after all, who knows. I just didn't want to risk another fall-asleep-at-6 AM-wake-up-at-3 PM scenario. It's all fine. I also need to reschedule my acupuncture appointment. I'm already not super stoked to go since the last one wasn't nearly as good as the first, but I realized I scheduled it at a really poor time - during rush hour, and it's downtown. I've got a couple of phone calls to make this week, really. I have to get my car serviced and I may have found a good potential primary care physician who takes my insurance and is accepting new patients (unbelievable, right?) so I need to call his office as well. Plus on Thursday I've got a dentist and a psychiatrist appointment. And I go back to work on Monday, thank god.

P.S. It's my half birthday! Yay!

January 5th

I guess today was a little better. I didn't get to sleep until something like 5:30 AM (and then got woken up by Cas not too long afterwards because he knocked a can of not-entirely-empty Dr Pepper off the headboard and onto my pillow) so I slept most of the day and just felt pretty down, but I guess I was...cozy? I didn't eat until 6:00 PM though, which is wild. I only just ate "dinner" now, and I'm not sure it's sitting completely well with me. I was really craving Wendy's so that's what I got - yes, I left the house, be amazed! - but I've got some tummy grumbles now. Plus my fries were too salty.

Huge love to one of my OG blog readers and a complete babe Drew (you will have previously known him as Jon) for reaching out to me about how I've been feeling. Sometimes all it takes to feel a bit better is knowing that someone cares. Love ya babe. Guys, reach out to your friends. Tell them you love them and that you care. I need to take my own advice on this one, but seriously. It never hurts to say hello.

January 4th

It's cold. My depression is bad. I feel so disconnected from everyone. I just want to do fun things with friends. Sort of feeling like I don't have any friends right now though. Thanks, brain. At least I got to walk Ace tonight. Truly, I didn't do much else today. I slept a lot. I felt sad. But I know this isn't forever. The sun'll come out tomorrow, as they say.

January 3rd

Well babes, I'm not at MAGFest and I'm on a very brief leave of absence from work because of my wrist, so I'm doing a whole lot of nothing this week. Suggestions on fun stuff to do would be appreciated. Brad's at MAGFest so I'm all by myself here! I haven't been to visit kitties in awhile so that's always an option. I do wish it wasn't so cold though. What do you guys like doing when you're alone and restless?

January 2nd

Pretty much all I did today was acupuncture, and to be totally honest, it wasn't as good as the first time. It definitely felt more rushed, and I felt like I wasn't able to talk to my acupuncturist much. Now, it was a shorter period of time because the first time was a consultation, but I swear I was in and out before I knew it. We didn't even do any like...focused breathing, or mindfulness...it was such a shift. If that had been my first experience, I don't think I would have gone back. I'm going to give it another go next week and see how I feel, and I'll decide from there.

Other than that, I went to pick up my mail at the post office. No, I didn't get a PO box. My rental office decided they didn't want to hold on to packages anymore, so anything that's too big for our tiny little slot mailboxes is now going to be held at the post office. It's pretty frustrating, honestly. Oh, and on top of that, UPS and Fedex packages get dropped at our doors or held at an access point - which would be great if I hadn't had a package stolen off of my doorstep a few weeks ago. I still have to get that resolved. Just another reason to look forward to moving, right? This apartment complex isn't bad by any means but it's really out of the way of everything else, and this whole thing with the mail is very annoying. Also, I very much dislike the bedroom layout. The only practical place to have your bed is right against the sliding glass door (which leads to a "deck" or balcony or something that is all but rotten away and is like...six inches deep?) and hey guess what's cold in the winter and hot in the summer? Sleeping right by the outside. And you can never actually keep your blinds open because if you're anything like me, you don't want people to see you sleeping. (Also there's no dining space in this place and my fridge sucks.) And that's today for you!

January 1st

Welcome back and welcome to 2018, my friends! It's always so funny how my views basically triple for my final entry of the year. Also I get spam comments. But that's okay.

Day one of 2018 was pretty all right. I probably should've had a resolution to hit the snooze button less often, but I'm not sure I could keep that one up. My bed is always the coziest right when I need to get up. That said, after a hot shower and a slightly shortened breakfast (due to excessive snoozing), I went...to work! Of course. It was, in all honesty, a pretty standard day. I worked with good people, the customers were generally nice, and it wasn't a terribly long shift. So much for detailing my work life, right?

I definitely napped when I got home though which means now is the time for pizza and YouTube. New year, new me? Only sometimes.