December 31st

It's that time of the year again! The end part!

In rereading my entries from 2017, I noticed some things. Some were good, and some were bad. 2017 certainly had its fair share of burdens for me. I went through a difficult breakup. My dad was diagnosed with cancer. My dog passed away. My mental health struggles were, well...they were around.

But two things stood out to me. I have been noticing for awhile now that my blog entries just seem pretty boring and repetitive, especially in the past year. I thought that was because of mental health issues, lack of motivation, being tired a lot...and that's certainly part of it. But what I didn't realize until just recently is that the reason a lot of my entries are so nondescript is because of my job. In the past, I would happily share tales from work. I talk about customers, products, busy days, slow days...in a decent amount of detail. Nothing incriminating of course, but I often had something to say. Here's the thing, though - my current job makes it very hard for me to come home and discuss my work day. I don't talk about where I work. I don't even talk about what I do at work, other than the fact that it's retail. It's because of the nature of the company I work for, and for my own safety as well. I have to be very careful about what I say, so I end up really not saying anything at all. And this is detrimental to documenting my day-to-day life. I have countless entries from 2017 that read like, "Work was good/bad/long/easy and now I'm tired." I'm able to go into a little more detail about my second job, which is dog walking (I got emotional when I realized I'd blogged about my very first walk with Ace), because there are really no stakes. I can talk endlessly about the dogs if I want. I'm obviously not going to say a client's address, but other than that, it's fair game. But I don't walk dogs as often as I work at my other job. And I have so, so much to say about my other job.

Let me tell you about my job. As stressful as it can be, it's a company that I genuinely love. Not only that, but I have the best coworkers I've ever had. At Gilly Hicks I had great coworkers too, but my current coworkers...we call each other family. We actually care about each other. If someone needs a shift covered, people actually want to help out. We celebrate birthdays. A lot of us are friends. It's really special.

I think that, with caution, I want to blog more about work in 2018. It will have to be somewhat vague at times, and I know that, but it's such a big part of my life. Not blogging about it seems a bit silly. I know everything on the internet is forever and you can never be too cautious, but really, I do want to actually blog about my daily life, not just what I do in my downtime.

So, I said last year that 2016 had been a bit of a dumpster fire in terms of world events. 2017 was also pretty rough. And like I said earlier, I had my own struggles to contend with. But I want to talk about some of the positives from this year, and I also want to set out some goals and resolutions for 2018!

Some cool shit that happened in 2017:

• I went to my second MAGFest
• I got a second job where I get to walk dogs, and I really like it
• I celebrated my one-year anniversary at my primary job
• I got accepted into a university
• I am six years self-harm free
• My dad no longer has cancer
• I went to two amazing concerts
• I spent quality time with my mom, dad, sister, and great-aunt
• I finally got my teeth fixed
• I went on exciting adventures in a city I'm still getting to know

Now let's talk about 2018. I've got plans, goals and resolutions.

1. I will find a new psychiatrist, therapist and primary care phyisican
2. I will finally get off of Klonopin
3. I will try new medications in order to help my depression and anxiety
4. I will get outside more, especially to exercise
5. I will start university again
6. I will do more dog walks
7. I will move into a new apartment
8. I will be more financially conscious, especially when it comes to non-necessity purchases
9. I will learn to prepare meals in my home that aren't just something I put in the microwave
10. I will keep my apartment more clean
11. I will go to DisneyWorld
12. I will take at least one trip back home to Minnesota
13. I will make new, local friends
14. I will read more books
15. I will go on dates
16. I will improve my blog entries by making them longer and/or more descriptive
17. I will actually start volunteering at the wildlife center
18. I will spend more time doing things I love with people I love

Yes, I came up with eighteen because I'm into clichés like that. But I think it's good to come up with quite a few plans and goals, even if you have to think hard about it. I'm sure there are plenty more thing I want to do. (I mean, I know there are. I want to go to the zoo! But like...that's something I know I'm gonna do anyway.) 

I will try my best not to be too hard on myself if there are days when these goals seem daunting. But I will also try to push past those feelings so that 2018 can be a fulfilling year for me. I want 2018 to be an important year, and I want to do big things. So I'm going to do my best to make that happen. Let's do this!