Saturday, December 31, 2016

December 31st

I'm rereading old blog entries right now. In doing so, I learned that when I switched over to Eastern Time Zone, a lot of my previous entries (read: every single entry posted after 11:00 PM while I was in Central Time) now has an incorrect time stamp, making it look like all of those entries are from the wrong date, because in EST they'd have been after midnight. Honestly, I think I'm going to change my blog back to CST because I do not have time to sift through six years of blog entries to correct the times on them. It'll mess up the ones that I've posted since my move, but it'll just make them appear an hour earlier, which is no trouble. The most important thing is that the date is correct.

Reading my blog back is always kinda embarrassing because I rarely proofread before I post, so I notice all of the typos during the annual reread, and I'm usually doing my annual year-end post late at night so I can't be bothered to fix a lot of them. Oh well.

Right, so let's actually talk about 2016, shall we? I rang in the new year with Brad at my apartment back home in good old Minnesota, and then February was my first ever MAGFest! (MAGFest starts January 5th this time! It's like...less than a week away!) And of course, the biggest thing I did this year was move to Ohio. It's still a bit strange to me, to be honest, and there are a lot of things about Minnesota that I miss dearly! But Ohio has been such an adventure so far, and I've had a great person by my side to guide me through it all. 

While I don't particularly remember it being so, the start of last year was mentally pretty rough. I guess it's good that I don't remember all of the little things that had me stressed. My SAD is in full swing right now, and I'm incredibly stressed out about like ten different things, so that's...good.

I also started a new job here in Ohio, and while I don't talk about specifics that much, it's been a rollercoaster. I do miss some aspects of my old job at the hotel (like sitting down), but it was a tough job. Never underestimate how hard people in the hospitality industry work! 

One thing about 2016 that I'm really happy about is that I got to spend a lot of time with animals. I know that sounds really dorky, but it's true. I rode a horse, a camel, went to the zoo several times, held some snakes, went to a farm and held a baby lamb - hell, just yesterday I was at the zoo and I got to pet some animals and see a kiwi bird and so much more. I think I'd like to start doing animal-based volunteer work again this year. Since I don't have a consistent schedule it may be hard, but volunteering at the avian nursery back in Minnesota was so fulfilling, so I wanna spend more time with tiny cuties, be they feathered, furry, or other!

2016 has gotten a lot of shit from...everyone for being kind of a bummer year. (And that's putting it lightly.) There were a lot of notable celebrity deaths, global tragedies, and some orange goblin got elected to be president of the United States. While these events do affect me, I'm choosing not to dwell on them in this entry, as this blog is more about my day-to-day life than anything else.

I'm proud of myself for what I've done this year. Firstly, I've kept up with this blog for a crazy total of seven years now. I've also been a happy cat mom for two years, self-harm free for five, and just 24 years old in general, which I guess is kinda rad too. I moved to a whole new state and got a new job. I have learned so much about life and love. Even though 2016 wasn't the best year in many regards, from Cas having major surgery to just the general stresses of life, I have so many incredible memories to look back on. I made great new friends and I've been lucky enough to do so many things that make me happy. I want to do the same in 2017. I want to try and find happiness in both new and old places, and really work on myself mentally and physically.

I am ready for you, 2017. And you'd better believe I'll be blogging it.

Friday, December 30, 2016

December 30th

Best way to get ready for a new year? Why, a Brazilian wax or course! (TMI, I know, get over it.) It was my first time having one, and it wasn't that bad! Obviously kinda painful, but not as painful as I thought it might be. Plus my esthetician was super nice and made everything really easy.

Brad and I went to the zoo tonight as well! It was all lit up for the holidays and it was really pretty. Very chilly though. But I got to see a bear super duper up close (it was asleep with its nose against the glass), and a koala for the first time! We also got to go to the petting zoo! With goats and pigs and sheep and cows!

Thursday, December 29, 2016

December 29th

I made it through the day despite feeling awful when I woke up! I did it! And then I ate lunch and it didn't upset my stomach or anything! Plus five dollar cold pressed juice! (Totally worth it.) Now I'm catching up on like three days of YouTube backloggery and mentally preparing to get WAXED tomorrow, ahh! Somebody is gonna rip my hairs out! And it's gonna hurt! But I will be brave and probably cry or swear but it will be okay because I will be a smooth motherfucker.

Wednesday, December 28, 2016

December 28th

Work wasn't bad today! Some friends came to see me, it wasn't too busy, not bad! Tomorrow might be kinda long and/or busy but it'll be okay! And then I'll have a few days off which will be a nice little break before MAGFest. Hooray!

Tuesday, December 27, 2016

December 27th

This stupid week is so emotional and I'm sad about Carrie Fisher and everything is stressful. Too much on my mind. Too much to do and think about. My goodness. I hope you're all doing well at least!

Monday, December 26, 2016

December 26th

Well, I made it halfway to work today before I had to pull over at a gas station because I felt so ill. What a joy that was. I didn't even feel gross when I left my place, it was that sudden onset nausea bullshit. Aaand now I'm feeling like, vaguely better but still not well. It's super frustrating. I just want to feel well and also for my apartment to magically be clean. I feel like that would actually help a lot. I did laundry today at least.

Also, happy birthday to my favorite little sister! She's 20 now which is kinda freaky. She just doesn't seem like she's in her 20's, she's like perpetually in high school in my brain. Does anyone else with siblings ever feel that way?

Sunday, December 25, 2016

December 25th

Merry Christmas everyone! I hope you all had a lovely day! I got to be sleepy and hang out with Brad and Cas, and we even watched Mulan! Tomorrow I gotta be up before 5:00 AM though, so it's an early bedtime for me tonight!

Saturday, December 24, 2016

December 24th

Merry Christmas Eve! Brad and I had lots of fun visiting my mom. And the food was great too! Now we're just being sleepy fools and eating crackers.

Friday, December 23, 2016

December 23rd

Seasonal affect disorder plus emotional stress is really...stressful. Holidays, MAGFest, work, and more...it's just a lot right now. I'm going to spend a good chunk of my night tonight reading advice blogs and also probably watching more Yuri on Ice. (I finished Magical Girl Raising Project!) I really need to clean my apartment, too. I think it'll make me feel better.

Brad and I are going to see my mom tomorrow for a Christmas dinner! I'm super excited! Plus I get to see Ellie, our old cat, for the first time in like...years. I hope she likes me better now than before. She's such a grumpy old lady, but she's still a cutie.

Thursday, December 22, 2016

December 22nd

It's a holly jolly week in retail! So many shopping people! So few parking spaces!

I'm gonna watch anime tonight and no one can stop me.

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

December 21st

Blogging early so I can sleep early. I gotta get up by 5:30 AM tomorrow and I really don't want to! And it's a long shift too! I hope finding a parking spot is easy at least. Now I just need to stay up for a little longer so I can sleep through the night with no issues. Maybe Cas will be my cuddle buddy!

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

December 20th

Crazy work week: commence! Today wasn't too bad, but I got a pretzel dog from the food court after work and it made me feel really ill. I'm doing better now though! Right now I'm just catching up on today's YouTube uploads, and then I might see if anyone is streaming. Or I might play Pokémon. Who knows!

Monday, December 19, 2016

December 19th

Didn't end up doing as much as I planned today, but you know...I did a few things. That's better than nothing. I'm just struggling with the stupid wintertime sadness (MDD+SAD if you wanna get technical) so I'm just like...not motivated, and very sleepy even when I'm not tired, and I just feel like a blob. I'm thinking and hoping that after MAGFest things will start looking up though, as I'll be switching around some meds, plus the days are going to start getting longer again and I don't like short winter day. They mess with me. Speaking of, Cas has been messing with me all day. What an adorable little bother cat.

Sunday, December 18, 2016

December 18th

A certain boyfriend of mine is falling asleep listening to me type. Apparently it relaxes him - which is weird, because I get irritated if I can hear typing when I'm trying to do something. Oh well!

Today was the ultimate sleep-in lazy day. Tomorrow I actually have to do stuff, like clean and do laundry and whatnot, and then it's time for the work week that all people in retail fear: the week before Christmas. I have to be at work before 7:00 AM two days in a row, and the day after Christmas my shift starts at 6:00 AM. Thank goodness MAGFest is just around the corner! I got Cas all booked in his kitty hotel for the time that I'm away, and it's actually not even that pricey, despite the great reviews. It's pricier for dogs though, because they need walks and potty breaks and stuff. Cas is pretty chill.

Saturday, December 17, 2016

December 17th

I've tried writing this entry several times now and I can't figure out how to word anything I want to say. What it boils down to is that I feel like I try really hard and get little, whereas others don't try as hard - or don't need it as badly, or both - and get more. This winter has been very hard for me in so many aspects of my life, from finances to mental health. And while I feel like there are some people in my life who are supportive, others who I thought would be supportive have been...more absent. I've struggled my entire life with feeling like people are just pretending to be my friend or just being nice to me out of pity. I often feel like I'm annoying many of the people I consider friends. I'm also feeling bitter and resentful for somewhat petty reasons, and perhaps I'm selfish and ungrateful, but I just feel like the odd one out...again. I guess part of what I'm feeling is knowing that I'm no one's first choice as a friend. I don't mean to imply that I want to be everyone's best friend, but I do feel like I'm only someone's friend if I'm there with a group, or I'm the friend-of-a-friend, etc. Sorry if this is confusing, I just have way too many thoughts pent up and want to get them out, but also don't want to be too specific. But hey, tomorrow is another day.

Friday, December 16, 2016

December 16th

Concept: I am best friends with all the animals in the zoo and we get to hang out all the time.

Tomorrow is gonna be a looong day at work, and I have to get up way too early, but I'm gonna do it and I'm gonna kick ass and all that kind of stuff! Yeah! And then I'm gonna take a nap, probably! Or at least relax like I'm getting paid to do it.

Thursday, December 15, 2016

December 15th

Boy oh boy, I'm sleepy tonight. And I need some good rest before tomorrow. I have a feeling it's gonna be like Black Friday all over again. Hopefully a nice shower in the morning will wake me up so I feel ready to go. And hopefully my feet don't hurt too badly afterwards, because I work Saturday too. But for now, cuddles with Cas.

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

December 14th

I'm already ready for the weekend! Is that bad? Work wasn't even particularly bad, it's just that winter is finally actually happening, what with snow actually existing and temperatures being below 30°F, so I kinda just want to curl up with a book and hot cocoa. I've gotta get up early tomorrow - not too early, but still kinda early, so I'm going to try and get some good rest! Maybe if I can get my ass in gear really early, I'll get to work in time to get a smoothie beforehand.

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

December 13th

All right, so today was less stressful than expected. Thank goodness. However, it snowed a whole bunch so I didn't really get out much...or at all...you know. I gotta get up early tomorrow just so I can clear my car off. So much snow! It's like Minnesota!

I've got eight more crazy shifts before Christmas! Wish me luck!

Monday, December 12, 2016

December 12th

Sleep in day today! And tomorrow! And Wednesday, though I do have to work Wednesday. And then Thursday! But not Friday because I work a hideously long and painful shift. That's the holidays for you. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Sunday, December 11, 2016

December 11th

Guten abend! I'm watching more Paper Mario auf Deutsch. I took a crazy nap earlier and I'm pretty sure I didn't move at all because my legs feel so tense, like I was curled up the whole time. Work wasn't that bad, but I couldn't fall asleep last night so getting up early was a pain. But I did it! I have tomorrow off so I'm gonna get some chores done, and maybe some other stuff too! Who knows! Keine Ahnung!

Saturday, December 10, 2016

December 10th

Work tomorrow, bright and early! I had a sleepy day today, so it should be fine. Last night I was all bummed out so I didn't sleep well...I fell asleep at 5 AM, after watching many episodes of a guy playing Paper Mario in German. Today was a better day though!

Friday, December 9, 2016

December 9th

I am really out of sorts lately. I don't know if it's stress, the seasonal change/SAD, something else, or a combination of all of these, but I just don't feel like myself. I'm anxious and depressed more often and I just wanna stay in bed, but I also feel shitty about staying in bed and really want to go do stuff. My sleep schedule is off. My eating schedule is off, and I'm not eating super healthy. I'm stressed about the holidays, MAGFest, relationships, money, work...probably more things that I can't even remember. I'm just on edge I guess, and I don't know what to do or who to talk to. (I need a therapist, really.) I just wanna sit out in the sun.

Thursday, December 8, 2016

December 8th

...my computer won't turn on. Cas spilled a little juice on the trackpad last night and I thought I might have to get that part replaced...but now it won't even turn on. It wasn't even a lot of juice, and it only got on the trackpad. I'm confused and upset. This likely won't be cheap, and I don't have much money right now. What to do?

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

December 7th

Today is gonna be a mini-rant.

Why is it that when someone does something horrible, other people always go, "Oh, but they're always so nice!" or "They've never done anything bad to me!" Like...honestly? Just because they've never personally wronged you does not make them automatically a good person. I simply cannot comprehend how people, knowing full well that someone has done something really awful in their life, can still call that person nice for the sole reason that said bad thing did not directly involve them. Oh, they stabbed a guy a few years ago? Well, you know, it was in the past! Plus, they've never stabbed me! What's that? They guy they stabbed has permanent damage? And the stabber has no remorse? Oh, well...but they're just so nice and everything! I don't see any reason to dislike them! Oh, the stabbing victim was one of my friends? They'd prefer if I didn't associate with the person who stabbed them? No, I think they're just biased against that person! I'm going to ignore my friend's wishes because the stabber has never stabbed me personally, which means the victim is clearly biased!

People really frustrate me.

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

December 6th

My internet is down! I'm blogging from my phone! And I really want a snack!

Monday, December 5, 2016

December 5th

Been feeling kinda bummed out all day. The past few days really, but today was just a depressing day. And work wasn't even bad, i'm just in one of those moods. So lame.

Current mood: Wishing I had more nice shoes, like heels and such. But my feet are so small and narrow that finding nice shoes is really difficult!

I'm thinking I need to catch up on some Magical Girl Raising Project here soon. Also possibly start Yuri on Ice. Don't judge!

Sunday, December 4, 2016

December 4th

I just napped, so I'm feeling sleepy but also like I want to stay up for awhile. But I work in the morning, so I probably ought to get to sleep soon...I guess. If I go to bed too early though, I'm going to sleep too much and wake up groggy. But if I don't get to bed on time, then I won't sleep enough and I'll wake up and feel like shit. And finding that middle spot is hard!

On the plus side, Brad and I are going to see Spirited Away in theaters tomorrow!

Saturday, December 3, 2016

December 3rd

The reptile expo was so much fun! I got to hold so many snakes, and one lizard! Such friends! I'm so happy!

Friday, December 2, 2016

December 2nd

It's another Thousand Year Door night! I was feeling really down earlier so I'm glad to have a friend here. Tomorrow my mom is visiting, and Brad and I might go to a reptile expo!

Thursday, December 1, 2016

December 1st

I probably say this every year, but I swear, December totally snuck up on me. I think it's extra bad this year because the weather here is so drastically different. We've had no snow that's stayed on the ground longer than five minutes, and it's only snowed...twice? The weather is mostly really pleasant and despite the grey skies, it doesn't feel very...seasonal. Apparently Ohio isn't exactly known for having white Christmases, which actually makes me really bummed out. Winter may suck, but I love having snow for Christmas. It just makes the day seem so much cozier.