January 31st

So, last night's audit was stressful. I was tired. There was a lot to do. There was puke in the hallway. And the best part is that I work at 7:00 AM tomorrow. Normally we get a day off after our weekend audits to fix our sleep schedule. Not this time! I'm not tired yet, and I have to be up in six hours. Thank goodness for Philip Defranco's LMMT podcast helping get me through last night, and thank goodness it's only 2.5 weeks til MAGFest.

January 30th

All right, audit time! 

I made friends with a spider in my bedroom today! I named him Grapes and he's really nice. 

I'm ready to be done with my audit and this cold. I'm gonna watch some Philip Defranco tonight and take it easy. 

January 29th

Good evening friends! I'm about to head to work! I've still got my cold, as I expected, so that's a bummer. At least I got to rest most of today, though! Tonight I'm bringing my DS so I can play some Pokémon, because why not? I'm on the mood. I wish I could bring Cas too. 

January 28th

So I've got a good old fashioned cold, it seems. Very lucky I had today off from work. Not so lucky that I have night audit the next two nights, since I could really use some rest. Then again, I get to sleep in as late as I'd like tomorrow, so it should be okay.

MAGFest is still three weeks out but I really just want to pack up and go now. I'm so excited! Nervous, but excited.

Any suggestions for an awesome matte warm-toned brown eyeshadow?

January 27th

Someone is a sleepy Kate! I got very lucky and don't have to work tomorrow, but I've still I've got my audits this weekend. Now I'm just watching YouTube videos and relaxing. Hallelujah!

January 26th

I am tired indeed! Today was a super long day. I gotta get to sleep now or I'm gonna fall asleep with my phone in my hands! 

January 25th

If the mysterious pain in my arm muscle would go away, that'd be great. It's like from my bicep into my shoulder and also my chest a bit. It feels like a pulled muscle or pinched nerve or something, and it is making getting comfy a bit harder!

Work was all right today. One day of the longest work week to date down! Woohoo!

January 24th

Apologies in advance for what is likely to be a week of shorter entries. I have a feeling I'm gonna be pretty tired. 

Here's a bonus picture of me and Cas to make up for it. 

 

January 23rd

All righty then. My work schedule got changed up a bit, so now I'm in for one hell of a week. Starting on Monday I will be working technically every day til the next Monday. I have audit Friday and Saturday, which means clocking in on Friday night and out on Saturday morning, then in again on Saturday night and out on Sunday at 7:00 AM. That is a lot of days in a row to work. I'm trying to convince myself that this will be good money to have for MAGFest but oh my god. It's already a busy week, and I'm gonna be there for every damn day of it. Send some good vibes if you would, please!

January 22nd

I need to cut Cas' claws so badly. It's hard to find a good time to do it though...but they're getting to the point where they're actually quite sharp. I only trim the front ones, and usually they stay good for a long time because he's good with his scratching posts but they're out of control.

Work tomorrow! I could really go for a bagel and a smoothie too.

January 21st

Feeling better today. I almost didn't make my doctor's appointment after hitting snooze and proceeding to sleep for another hour after my alarm had gone off. That's what deodorant is for, right?

I did have a scary moment just before I got to my appointment, though. I was coming off of the cloverleaf exit ramp just in front of my doctor's office and for whatever reason, my car swerved. I'm not sure if there was ice or if I just started down the ramp going too fast, but I was going the direction you do not want to go as you're coming down an exit ramp, which is towards the 20-or-so foot drop off the side of the clover leaf. (This has always been a fear of mine.) So I tried to turn without doing so too aggressively, since I didn't want to overcorrect and totally lose control of the car. I did a 180 in the opposite direction, so I was now on the side of the ramp that was not next to, you know, a sheer drop off...but I was facing oncoming traffic. Thankfully, a car hadn't exited just after I did or anything like that, but once I was facing backwards I could see cars coming. Very luckily, I was slightly off to the side of the road, so cars could go around my backwards self. I was panicked though, thinking someone might come into the exit quickly or not paying attention and run into me head on. I started honking, to alert people that I was there, and in the vehicle. I got a few confused looks but people just drive by. What I didn't know was that just behind me, the first guy who had seen me veer off the road and passed me had actually pulled over and gotten out of his car. I noticed him in my peripheral vision, and he was actually stepping out into the road to stop traffic so I could turn myself around. He stood in the middle of the road while I nervously turned my car around and eventually got myself going again.

I don't know who he was. I wish I could have thanked him. I should have. I never thought to roll down my window and say anything because I was so shaken up. But to that man who helped me, thank you. Thank you so much. You made me feel safe. You allowed me to get to my appointment on time. And I won't ever forget that. Thank you.

January 20th

Again with the funny sleep. I'm off to bed now though! Having Brad on the phone while we sleep is so nice. 

January 19th

Another rough night last night. No sleep. Anxiety. Good thing I have a doctor's appointment on the 21st. I feel like it's too early to head to bed just now, but I'm tired, and kinda bored too. And my room smells like sunscreen thanks to a disappointing perfume sample. Ah well. I hope tomorrow is sunny!

January 18th

Well, work was doable today! I have a shorter day tomorrow, and then a little time off for doctor's appointments and such. I just wish it wasn't so damn chilly! I don't have to work until noon tomorrow so I think I'll catch up on some YouTube videos and then try to get nice and snuggly for bed.

January 17th

Aforementioned headache turned into the worst headache I think I've ever had. Possibly even a migraine? It was to the point where I couldn't even stand up because I was in so much pain, and I was so, so nauseous. I'm still not feeling amazing, but my head feels better.

I think I'm going to have a chill night, maybe listen to some Game of Owns and just relax. I still feel quite anxious, so I just want to be calm.

I hope you've all had a good weekend!

January 16th

Hooo boy. I've had a headache for a couple hours now and it's not fun. I can find any Tylenol or Advil anywhere so I've just been hiding in my dark room. I'm going to try and sleep it off, and hopefully get some good rest. I have to be up bright and early tomorrow, and it's supposed to be -40 when I leave the house! Hooray!

January 15th

TGIF! I got to sleep in today and it was amazing. My dad and sister also came up to visit, which was super fun! Now I'm just chilly and a little hungry. And a little sleepy too.

Tomorrow: Swimsuit shopping! I bought a freaking amazing swimsuit last year but since starting my birth control I've put on a little weight, and it just doesn't fit right around my bust anymore. I'm super bummed, it's one of my favorite swimsuit tops ever. The bottoms still fit okay, although they are a little tighter now, so I'll probably just get an all new suit. Swimsuit shopping is hard for me because it makes me insanely self-conscious. Swimsuits are not designed for my body type. Going up in size typically means going up like, two cup sizes, and that doesn't work for me. I have a wide ribcage, but I'm not rocking double D's or anything. It will be a journey!

January 14th

No words for today. So absolutely devastated by the passing of Alan Rickman. I feel so lucky to have met him; even in the brief conversation we shared, I could tell that he was a genuinely kind person. He was also immensely talented, and it was incredible to see him on stage. Rest in peace, Mr. Rickman.

January 13th

Currently attempting to not get carried away purchasing things because it's payday. Help! And I have work tomorrow, so I should be going to bed soon anyway! But the internet is so interesting, you know?

Is it MAGFest yet?

January 12th

Good evening pretty people! Having the day off was so, so nice. And I have tomorrow off too! Yay! Plus I get paid. It'll be a small one since I worked like...no time between Christmas and New Year's, but still. At least it's something.

Belated New Year's resolution: Sample my existing perfume samples before buying more. I feel like I can make exceptions if there's a sale, or someone sends me samples in a swap, but I have so many samples and I really need to get through those! I tried Diptique's Eau Duelle yesterday and enjoyed it, so I may do a review soon.

January 11th

Feeling much better tonight. Not at 100% capacity, but definitely better. I was able to call Brad last night, which helped. (Even though I totally bawled my eyes out first.) Now I'm free from work for the next two days so I'm going to take some time to relax. There will be YouTube and napping and chocolate and perhaps some shopping. I'm really wanting to buy a new flannel. I have one, but it's technically a men's shirt. I also want to find a skirt to wear with my kitty tights!

January 10th

My wonderful balloon full of high-on-life happiness finally popped today. I should have known it wouldn't be a forever feeling. But in addition to being smacked in the face with sadness (over something stupid), it made me realize how emotionally fragile I can be. Like, the littlest thing sent me from over the moon to feeling utterly alone and so lonely. And no one said a word.

I hate feeling like I'm bothering or inconveniencing someone. I spent my entire grade school life being the annoying, clingy person in the group. I still carry that with me. I just wanted to have friends and to be liked. I'll never forget inviting so many people to one of my birthday parties, like at least forty, for this big excursion at the Mall of America. I thought it was going to be so much fun. It was back when Facebook invites were fairly new, and I was excited to invite all of these people who I really liked, but who didn't really care for me. I was desperate for them to like me, though. I looked up to them. I thought they were cool. (This was the theatre crowd, by the way.) Only one person RSVP'd yes to the event. I canceled it.

When it came time for my graduation party, I sent out a mass invite to nearly all of my Facebook friends. Loads of people RSVP'd as yes. I was ecstatic. I told my mom how many people had responded and she made so, so much food. Only ten people came. I got sick from eating too many of the extra cookies my mom had baked.

I often think that I'm an annoying person. I have a big personality. I can be very clingy. I feel emotions very deeply, and my relationships with others mean a lot to me. They are very precious. So when I feel like I am bothering someone, or when I find myself becoming distant with someone whom I used to be close, it hurts. Even the slightest indication that someone would rather be doing something besides talking to me can really affect me. It's probably quite silly, but I just crave so deeply the feeling of connection, of being someone's preference, their first choice. In the past I tried too hard to make myself that person and it backfired on me a lot. Now I walk on eggshells, fear rejection, and get nervous over the slightest indication that someone might not want to be talking to me.

Right now I suppose I just feel a little lost, and stuck, and alone. I also suppose that's not uncommon for someone who is 23. But it's hard. I like to know where I stand, I like to have a plan, to know what I'm doing, to know how others are feeling. I think things are a little overwhelming right now. But this too shall pass. I just hope someone reads this, and that someone cares.

I cherish happiness so much. I wish for happiness. I wish for love.

January 9th

It's the weekend! I'm working all weekend! 

Cas keeps stealing my pillow. I think he's trying to usurp my throne, aka my bed. He's pushing my head and everything. It's cute, mostly, except where do I put my head when I sleep?

Work was doable. I can do it again tomorrow!

January 8th

I can't believe Steven Universe is on hiatus again. This week was so much fun! All of the episodes were really good, and I love Peridot more and more with each new episode. 

I've been so weirdly tired all week. Getting back into the swing of work has been extra hard. I'm sure it's because I had such a nice time during my time off, but the weather plus missing Brad plus like...just being off my normal schedule has made me feel really off. Being on my period isn't helping either. Tomorrow is a bright and early day though! Hopefully an easy day, without the insane amount of phone calls we've been getting the last few days. Also, my legs hurt. Probably from work. I need some inserts for my shoes. 

TGIF, anyway!

January 7th

Welp, I just took a nap. For a few hours. But now it's phone time with Brad, and Cas wants to be included!

January 6th

First full shift back at work today and my legs are hurting. Like, I feel like I walked all day. Not loving that. Plus work was phone-crazy and overall just a long day. Luckily my shift tomorrow is shorter so I can hopefully rest my weary legs.

I'm also mega hungry despite eating dinner not too long ago so I'm gonna treat myself to some mini corndogs. Fuck it.

Then it's time for kitty cuddles and sleep!

January 5th

I'm blogging from my phone and kind of falling asleep as I type. It may be because I'm in bed under the covers with a sleepy kitty next to me. 

Tonight's Steven Universe episode was so sweet! I am loving this week of episodes so far. So cute! So many feelings! Plus I got to watch tonight's episode with Brad, which makes everything better!

January 4th

It's a whole week of new Steven Universe episodes! I'm so excited! Massive thanks to Reese for hosting the viewing parties on Rabbit. I had quite a lonely day, so I needed some friend time. And Steven time. Even though the episode was super feels-y.

Back to work tomorrow! I hope I remember how to do stuff. Heheh. I've only been gone for like a week! And I'm only working a few hours tomorrow since I'm just covering for someone. The real fun starts on the 6th! I have to miss the Steven Universe viewing that night (probably) because I work til 11, but we'll see. I can watch it on my own if nothing else.

I hope you all have had a good first Monday of 2016!

January 3rd

Brad went home today, so I had kinda of a sad morning. And then I slept a lot. I'm feeling better now! Still sad, of course, but I can't wait to see him again soon. MAGFest can't come soon enough!

I am loving my living room right now. The addition of a Brad-assembled day bed is absolutely wonderful. It's the first time I've had sitting furniture in here and I feel like I have a whole new room in my house. Thank you, Ikea!

January 2nd

Brad and I beat Shadow of the Colossus today! He's really good at that game. And he made me chili! He's really the best ever. So bummed out that he's headed home tomorrow. But I'll see him in February at MAGFest!

January 1st

Hello, 2016! I love you already!

Brad and I had so much fun today. He's playing Shadow of the Colossus for the first time and it's delightful. We also went out and hung out around town and now we're watching Game Grumps. 

I hope you all have a beautiful new year!