Monday, September 22, 2014

September 22nd

How to tell your anxiety is a problem:

I bought this amazing sparkling pumpkin cider today. I had some, liked it, and thought gosh, vanilla rum would make this even better. So I put in just a wee bit of rum (like 1/4 shot) and then had a few sips. Delicious. Then I realize that whoa, I'm taking different medication these days, and Ativan and alcohol are both CNS depressants. So I poke around the internet and everyone is like DON'T MIX ATIVAN AND ALCOHOL because you'll get sleepy and go to sleep and stop breathing.

So now I'm terrified to go to sleep. I'm so, so tired and have been all day, but now I'm like "oh god it's the benzos/alcohol" and I had my last dose of Ativan hours ago and so, so little alcohol but I literally feel like I'm going to have a panic attack and I'm too afraid to sleep. And I need to be up early tomorrow but I'm literally scared to sleep because I had a small dose of Ativan hours ago and the tiniest bit of alcohol just now. Like I am legit afraid.

Anxiety ignores logic. I'm sure it's fine. It should be fine. But I'm terrified.

I get to see a psychologist tomorrow morning though! Maybe I'll tell her about this. I need some coping mechanisms, man.

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